Friday, March 23, 2012

Things that Go "Bump..."

I had my annual physical this morning and certainly never would have imagined that I'd be blogging about it this afternoon, but I've just gotta.  It started as a routine visit -- exchanging "how have you been's?" with the nurse while she took my blood pressure, reviewed medical history, and so on.  Then she asked if it was ok for the doctor's medical student to assist, and I agreed.  I've seen lots of medical students before, and figure if they can learn something from my annual necessary evil, why not?

So, the nurse leaves and a few minutes later in walks Kevin, the medical student, who looks like he's all of 16.  He says he's just going to ask me a few questions and listen to my heart & lungs until the doctor is available.  Again, fine with me.  Kevin wants to know about my pregnancies, medical history, menstrual cycle (does he even know what this is at his age?), and what have you.  Then he says, "So, you're 39..." (sure, rub it in) "...the doctor will want you to have your first mammogram within the next year..." (did he just glance down at my chest?  Probably not...but now this is getting a little awkward.  For the the sake of medicine, though, I suck it up and act like a grown woman).  He pauses and says, "So it says here there's a bump..." and my heart stops.  "Ummm...bump?" I reply.  "What bump?  I'm not aware of a bump."  Dead silence.  Say something, Kevin.  SOMETHING.  He's studying my chart with intensity.  "Wait...this could be referring to a schedule bump," he looks up and continues, "Was your appointment rescheduled?"  "YES!" I blurted.  "It was!  Phew, you scared me." And I laughed a hearty (and unusually squeaky) sigh of relief.  "They called me a week or so ago to say the doctor had another commitment--" Kevin interrupts, "So they bumped your appointment!" Now he sounds squeaky, too, and continues, "But you know, most often those bumps are benign and nothing to worry about..."  Enough, Kevin.  Stop now!  There is no bump.  With that he got up and moved on to listening to my heart & lungs.  No more questions.

Kevin left the exam room and came back a couple of minutes later with the doctor, who says, "So, Kevin tells me things are going well & you have no concerns?"  "Nope, everything's great," I said, and then, before I could stop myself, "Well, except for the bump!"  Her eyes widened then, clearly taken aback, and I turned to the young medical student, and said, "Kevin, you didn't tell the doctor about the bump?"  (Kevin, forgive me, but the look on your rapidly reddening face was priceless.)  He stammered, "Well...see, what happened was...I saw this note about a 'bump...'" and then I came to his rescue.  I told the doctor what happened and she somehow contained herself and I said, "Probably safe to say Kevin will never forget me!"  We all laughed, and I think Kevin almost threw up.  Call it a 39-year-old woman's intuition, but I'm guessing young Kevin has crossed OB-GYN off of his list of possible specialties...


  1. LOL! Man all the things that could be racing through your head...the fear. And I know you are right he will forever remember you! Your great at telling stories!!! :)

  2. Omg Woman, you are freaking hilarious! Why haven't you written a book?!

  3. Omg Woman, you are freaking hilarious! Why haven't you written a book?!