Overheard from the Bathroom Stall

Before I had kids I used to giggle uncontrollably at the conversations I'd often hear in the public bathroom stalls next to me -- you know the ones between a parent and a newly potty training or trained child. Then, about 3 years ago, it was my turn with Laurence. Suddenly those conversations were no longer funny. Strangers now giggled at us. I was downright humiliated. But then along came Loic. I'm sure partly because he's my second child, perhaps second BOY, and even more so because he's, well, LOIC, but these conversations no longer phase me. They make me laugh. Besides, they give me material for this here blog. Loic being potty trained is very recent news in our house, and here's a couple of snippets of what's gone down in some local and not-so-local public stalls lately...

Loic: Is this the girl bathroom or the boy bathroom?

Me: It's the girl bathroom -- you're not ready to go in the boy bathroom by yourself.

Loic: Why?

Me: Because you still need some help. (Somewhat under my breath...shuddering) And I don't want you to touch....things.

Loic: Oh yeah...help me unbutton my pants, Mommo, I have to PEEEEEE!

Me: Right, well that's why we're here.

Loic: Hey, I hear someone coming! It must be a girl. She has to pee, too! Or maybe poop. Do you think she has to pee or poop?

Me: I don't know. It's none of my busin----DON'T TOUCH the toilet!

Loic: Why?

Me: Because it has germs. Try to touch as little as possible.

Loic: OK. Can I touch the wall?

Me: No.

Loic: Can I touch the floor?

Me: No.

Loic: Can I touch the door?

Me: No.

Loic: Can I touch that girl peeing?

Me: NO!

Loic: I pooped. (Singing now) Now you have to WIPE meeeee! Wait, Mommo! Don't touch the toilet paper! It has germs.

And so on. No, I don't make this stuff up. Those of you with kids can relate. Did you notice my name? Mommo. That's new news, too. I think it has a nice ring to it.